How I Stay Intimate With My Husband After Having Children (Christian Marriage Advice)

I want you to ask yourself a few questions today.

“Am I being thoughtful with my actions when it comes to showing respect towards my husband?”

“Are there any areas of offense that I need to address in my marriage?”

I don’t want you to read this and feel heavyhearted. I want you to read these questions with a heart open to receive truth and a readiness to change. Whether you’re in a more peaceful season of marriage or a more difficult one, your relationship with your spouse comes first. Your children come second.

When my husband and I were going through pre-marital counseling, our friend told us something that has stayed with me through all these years of marriage and motherhood:

“It starts with you two and it ends with you two.”

If you’re a parent, you know that after the babies start to come, life goes by so much faster. Staying connected with our spouse at the heart level requires daily, intentional thoughtfulness — and that’s exactly what this post is about.

I’m not here to give you shallow advice. I have 3 pieces of Christian marriage advice I’ve learned over the last 7 years — the hard way. I’ve done everything wrong, and I’ve also grown immensely as the Lord has been faithful to correct me.

1. The Prayer That Changes Everything in Your Marriage

I remember coming to a point in our marriage where I desperately needed the Lord to change my heart and attitude. I had become resentful and angry, and I finally cried out to God:

“Help me to understand my husband and all that he carries on his shoulders. Help me to understand his heart and how he communicates. Help me, God, to be the support he needs and craves — to lift him up instead of tearing him down.”

When we approach our marriage with curiosity, it dismantles the urge to become quickly hurt and offended. Growing in understanding one another is some of the best Christian marriage advice I can offer — because when we truly know each other’s hearts, intimacy blossoms naturally.

Dear friend, seek to serve and not to be served. I know how hard that is when you’re in the thick of raising little ones. But if we are to become more and more like Christ, we must carry the same attitude He had. Be a humble servant first. Seek after the well-being of your husband — and then everything else will be added to you.

2. Intentional, Thoughtful Acts of Love (Even on the Busiest Days)

In the everyday rhythm of raising children, it becomes increasingly clear how necessary our small acts of love are in marriage. Time ticks. The week comes again. Another month passes. Investing daily in your marriage is non-negotiable — and the good news is it doesn’t have to be grand.

Simple ways to stay connected with your husband:

• Love notes
• Thoughtful text messages throughout the day
• A phone call on his lunch break
• Planning his favorite meal
• A weekly at-home date night
• Reading a book together
• Praying together daily
• Playing a game (put the TV away!)
• Working out together

None of these require much time or money. They require intention. And intention, practiced daily, builds a marriage that can weather any storm.

3. Talk Through Offenses, Pain, and Hurt — Don’t Let It Pile Up

We all have hurts in our marriage. All of us. But the question is: do we stuff them down hoping they’ll go away? Or do we bring them to the surface and communicate?

I would urge you to bring it all to the table. As I mentioned above, open communication dismantles the urge to become hurt and offended. We want to stay in sync with each other and not allow the enemy to “steal, kill, and destroy” what God has knit together. But that requires honesty. It requires the grit and determination not to let offense pile up.

Ask yourself:

• Do you need to schedule a time to talk with your spouse about something that’s been weighing on you?
• Would writing a letter help you organize your thoughts before the conversation?
• Is there something you’ve been avoiding that needs to be addressed this week?

However you do it, make it your highest priority. A marriage where both spouses feel truly heard is a marriage where intimacy can truly thrive.

Christian Marriage Advice: It’s a Daily Choice

Staying intimate with your husband after having children isn’t a one-time decision — it’s a daily one. It’s choosing curiosity over offense. It’s leaving a love note on the counter before the chaos of the morning begins. It’s sitting down together, however briefly, and saying: “You matter to me. We matter.”

The Lord designed your marriage to be a sacred, life-giving partnership. You don’t have to just survive parenthood together — you can truly thrive in it.

If you are seeking more on this topic, head on over to Noble Motherhood’s YouTube Channel and watch the exact video I created offering you Christian marriage advice on this very topic of intimacy. Watch that video to advice #4 as it holds something a little extra special for you, friend, on physical intimacy with your husband.

And if you are in need of weekly encouragement from this community, please go ahead and drop your email here to receive weekly emails from me (Hope) here at Noble Motherhood. I would be honored to encourage you along your journey.

I’m cheering you on, mama.

P.S. If you are an expecting mother, I would absolutely love for you to download your FREE Pregnancy, Birth and Postpartum Guide that I created for YOU!